Stalking is a threat that often accompanies or precedes other forms of abuse, yet it remains underreported and misunderstood. Stalking can be difficult to recognize at first. It often begins with behaviors that may not seem threatening in isolation, such as an unexpected message, an uninvited appearance at a public place or private event, or a gift you never asked for. Over time, though, these actions can form a pattern that feels intrusive, unsettling, or even frightening. Stalking isn’t about a single moment; it’s about the repetition, a pattern. It’s about someone refusing to respect your boundaries, making you feel watched, followed, or unsafe, often in your own space.
The following is a list of Frequently Asked Questions regarding stalking. If you believe you are being stalked please also read our complete Know Your Rights Guide that delves deeper into the rights available to those experiencing stalking.
Q: How do I know if what I’m experiencing is stalking?
A: Stalking often involves a pattern of unwanted attention or contact that makes you feel afraid, anxious, or unsafe. This might include someone repeatedly following you, showing up where you are, sending messages after you’ve told them to stop, or using social media or technology to track you. Even if the individual hasn’t made a direct threat, their behavior may still qualify as stalking if it causes you emotional distress or fear.
Q: I feel like someone is stalking me, but they haven’t physically hurt me. Is that still considered stalking?
A: Yes; stalking doesn’t require physical violence. If someone is repeatedly following you, contacting you without consent, showing up at places you frequent, or making you feel afraid or emotionally distressed, that may meet the legal definition of stalking.
Q: Can I get a restraining order if the stalker is someone I dated a long time ago?
A: Yes, California law allows you to request a Domestic Violence Restraining Order (DVRO) if you had a past dating or intimate relationship. Even if the relationship ended years ago, you can still qualify if the person is stalking or harassing you now. See our Know Your Rights Guide for Questions and Answers on DVROs.
Q: What if the stalker is a stranger or someone I barely know?
A: You can still ask the court for a Civil Harassment Restraining Order (CHRO). These are available to people being stalked, harassed, or threatened by individuals who don’t fall under the domestic violence category, such as acquaintances, neighbors, or strangers. You can find the forms to file a CHRO through this link https://selfhelp. courts.ca.gov/CH-restraining-order/forms
Q: What if the person stalking me says they’re just trying to “reconnect” or “be friends”?
A: If someone continues to contact you after you’ve clearly asked them not to, that behavior is not respectful or harmless, it’s intrusive. Stalking often hides behind excuses like concern, affection, or reconciliation. What matters is how their behavior affects you, not how they try to justify it.
Q: The person stalking me is using fake accounts online. What can I do?
A: Document everything. Take screenshots of messages, usernames, and activity. Even if you don’t know who is behind the accounts, repeated unwanted digital contact can still be considered stalking. You can present this evidence in court or to law enforcement.
Q: I’m scared to go to the police. What are my options?
A: You can start by speaking with a legal aid attorney, domestic violence advocate, or victim support organization. Many of these services are confidential and can help you explore your options, including filing for a restraining order without involving the police right away. You can follow this link to see a list of legal aid organizations in California bit.ly/Legal-Aids-CA2025.
Q: Will I have to go to court if I report a case of stalking?
A: Not necessarily. You can report stalking to law enforcement without having to immediately pursue
charges or go to court. If you decide to file for a restraining order or press charges, there may be hearings, but you don’t have to navigate the legal process alone—many legal aid groups or victim advocates can guide and support you.
Q: What is safety planning, and how do I make one?
A: A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that can help reduce risk and increase your safety. It may include strategies for getting home safely, changing your online passwords, saving emergency contact information, and knowing where to go if you need immediate assistance. Advocacy organizations often assist with safety planning and can tailor it to your specific situation.
Q: I’m feeling overwhelmed and scared. Who can I talk to?
A: You’re not alone. There are organizations and hotlines that exist specifically to help people in your position. Whether you’re looking for legal advice, emotional support, or just someone who will listen without judgment, help is available. You can start with a local domestic violence center or stalking resource center, or call a national hotline like the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.